Dreaming of Fishing

I didn’t think
When I first got out
I was apprehensive
When I first got out
I thought everyone was looking at me
I thought
I started going back to work
I felt most at ease
I spent quite a lot of time not doing anything

I was doing silly little things.
I was washing my own plate up every time
I’d eaten
I did really
I finished eating
I’d take my plate and just wash it

I was like “Janine, can you slow down?”
“I’m only doing 20mph”
I was getting closer to home
you start recognising
you realise then how long
I saw a pheasant
I was like
“I haven’t seen one in ages”

I had seen a lot of Janine
“you’re going to have to go at my own pace”,
I couldn’t run away with myself on the first day
I have cooked a few meals.

I don’t know why
I was so keen to get back to work
I think that was a bit crazy
I think
I just wanted to slot back in
I’d felt like a muppet
I was in prison
I was a muppet to end up in prison.
I felt like
I had no purpose
I was just there
I wanted to get back to work
I think
I was actually doing something constructive.

I work
I answered “yes”.
If I had any stories
I didn’t mind them asking
I knew them from before,
I’m not too keen on them knowing
I’ve been to prison
I’d rather just not go down that road
I didn’t mind with people
I work with
I worked with them before
Until I get to know somebody
I’m not too interested in telling them
I don’t think they need to know straightaway.
I think older people are a bit more understanding
I find young people can be a bit like “stay away”.

I meant to put on there
I was very keen to get out
I’d spent three years dreaming
I got
I’d be off fishing, sea fishing.
I go down there.
You don’t get many people walking down there.
You can chill out
I got into.
I got out on the Monday,
I reckon it was about three weeks
I’d been interested in it
When I was a kid
I used to go to the stream
I hadn’t been fishing.
I hadn’t had the ability
I wanted.
I went out and bought a fishing-rod.
I thought
I probably would like it
I like being by the sea
I thought
I’d just give it a go
I got out in April
I’d go after work.
I did try to get out
I got out.

I did go fishing
I was down there
I don’t know why
I suppose it was just because they were police
I got really panicky
“can I ask you a few questions?”
I was all panicky
“I’ve got a friend that’s thinking of taking up fishing …”,
I was like “aah”
I didn’t fall back into life
I was still panicky

I go to probation,
I’ve only got to mess up once
I could end up back there
I do a phone call
I go and see them
I go and speak to them
I’m not that far away from going back
I’ve got another 12 months of that.

I bought Janine an eternity ring
I was in prison
“if you’re going to stay with me, stay with me
“if you’re going to leave me, do it straightaway”.
I said
“if you accept the ring, then stay with me”
I first went in.
I think
I’d done three months
I got the eternity ring.
I wanted to know
I was also worried
I’d done the three years,
“I stayed with you for three years”
I just wanted
“what have you been doing?” and
I was like “the same as yesterday”.

I’m not in touch with my old friends
One of them,
I am
I realised
I haven’t really got that much in common
I didn’t want to be living like
I was before
I went in prison
One of them I still hang around with
I go fishing
I’ve got new friends
I sort of muscled in
I don’t know whether it’s just getting older
I just prefer to go off with Janine or just be on my own